I loved him even more for saying that and acknowledging that but often it does feel magical. It feels like actual honest to god magic that someone could be that kind, that understanding, that loving. But calling it magic does take away the fact that he works so fucking hard to be good to me, in a way that no one else has ever been willing to do.
And I won't call what I did in England last time a mistake anymore because I loved him, and we went places together, and I learned from him, and I learned a lot from being with him. I feel perpetually embarrassed that I chose another person who didn't actually like or respect me but you know. WHOOPS. I wouldn't be me if I didn't make myself vulnerable all the time, and I am ultimately better for it. I can say that now. Ask me again in a few months.
My friend Roxy is an open relationship since her boyfriend moved across the country and she goes on tons of dates. I want to learn how to make just actual fucking friends, though, and go out with friends. And travel with friends. And I want Martin to visit me because we've never traveled together and I can finally show my friends that I am not eternally just picking people who feel contempt for me.
I hate that we'll have to articulate boundaries but I think we'll need to.
Big list of things I need to do:
-Steam and box up tons of clothes and request a PurpleHeart pickup
-Find a fucking room/apartment.
-Learn Makaton and BSL
-Read my textbook
-Start doing phonology reading
-Call Barclay's and try to get back into my UK account since it's still open
-Quit my job :)